Tango Angels

The dreaded tango dry-spells. The love is gone. I've read about them, but haven't experienced it till now. It's been over a month since I've lost my dancing mojo. (Maybe I lost it at that awful milonga from four weeks ago.) Like a relationship turning stagnant; the excitement is gone because my lover's moves have become all too predictable. What happened??? Am I over that beginner's high, where almost every dance feels brand spanking new??? Well, it's been almost a year now since I started and the dancers I once thought was so fabulous are no longer that fabulous. What's changed? Is it because I've gotten to know them better and I'm feeling too comfortable? Because I'm constantly finding myself picking apart their techniques and secretly wishing they could hear my thoughts.

TO: T1
"I like you. You're a really nice man but you sweat too much and it smells like vomit."

TO: T2
"If only you would pay more attention to the music and worry less about your STUPID little steps."

TO: T2 (yes, you again.)
"You could take a longer pause here, the music is screaming.. slow the FCUK down!!!"

TO: M
"You're leading a little too much with your right hand on the giros and the back boleos, it feels jerky... YOU BIG JERK!!!"

TO: F
"Don't you know...you're standing too fcuking close to me when you lead the crusada??? I just sliced my toe open on the hard tip of your big shoe...for the fifth time!!!"

Don't get me wrong, there are good things about their dancing that I do enjoy but I am just feeling that enjoyment is slowly dwindling away. So the big question is what has changed? Could it be that they have reached their plateau, while my dancing has improved? Does this mean I should start saying no to my friends at the milongas, so I can make room for new tangueros, even though I do notice a lot of the decent tangueros only dance with THEIR friends???

I was determined to get out of this funk last week, so Malena and I went to our usual milonga. We sat watching for a while before I turned to her and said, "It's not getting better, is it? What should we do? Do we take a break from tango?" I paused. "Hmm, maybe we could do something else." I then realized just how absurd that sounded because Malena gave me a look and said, "What else IS there to do???"

This past month has been bad. I know it's bad because I've had my eyes opened most nights while I was dancing. I was so bored that I was checking out other people's shoes. I mean I might as well have been filing my nails or even better... his nails. Almost every dance I had, the same thought ran through my mind, "What a waste of a good pair of CIFs!" (Yes...it was THAT bad.)

My maestro showed up that night and I tried to hide from him. I was worried that he would be disappointed in me if he knew I've lost my desire to dance. Anyways, he spotted me when he was dancing and even stopped in between songs to give me a kiss hello. (I just adore that man.) While we danced that night, I told him I didn't know what was wrong but I just wasn't feeling it. He said to me sweetly, "I know, Niña. Try to be here, be in the now, enjoy me, but dance for yourself and not for anyone else."

"Dance for yourself and not for anyone else" (I repeated it to myself)

"Dance for yourself and not for anyone else." (with my eyes closed)

So I blocked out every single person in that room; the dancers dancing; the dancers sitting; the spectators in the corner enjoying their wine. I closed my eyes, listened to the music, listened to his lead, listened to his body, listened to my body and I listened to it's natural impulses. I breathed him in, melted into his embrace, torso to torso, I allowed him to enter into my space. I forget how subconsciously guarded I can be sometimes. But hey, who can blame us when there're all kinds of strange looking creeps lurking at milongas. In the arms of my maestro, I felt safe and we danced two more tandas like this. I exhaled deeply... Pheewww! I could finally breath again! I smiled and gave him a big hug and a kiss for bringing this little tanguera back to life.

Strange but true, when I went to look for Malena to tell her the good news, I found her in a close embrace with HER former maestro, who interestingly also showed up at this milonga and revived her as well. By the time the lovefest ended, it was midnight. We both left the milonga smiling and laughing for the first time in a month. I'm still amazed at what a difference that evening made in our moods. Hey, perhaps the Tango Gods heard our cries and decided to send his tango angels to our rescue.

besos,
Eva