In every tanguera's life, she will undoubtedly have an encounter or two with the male Tan-Ego. I met my first at the "ultra cliquey" milonga at Triangulo. It was my first time there and after sitting for an hour without an invitation to dance, I decided to strike up a conversation with a guy sitting next to me. He started off by telling me that milonga was exclusively for the "cream of the crop" dancers in NYC. He then proceeded to ask me who I study with, how often I take classes and how often I go to milongas because he's never seen me before. When I told him whom I was studying with, he made a face and said, "Oh, I've never danced with anyone good from that school." He doesn't frequent the milongas I go to because he doesn't enjoy dancing with the "older" crowd. He went on to explain the reason why I was sitting was because I am a new face and the "advanced" dancers will only dance with a tanguera after they've accessed her skill level. It's a total Catch-22, can't get dances, if you're not seen dancing. He told me that the assessment process can take a while. In his case, it could take over a year of watching a tanguera before he decides she was finally worth his time on the floor. For the initial invitation to take place, he has to wait for just the right song and asked her at just the right time because any mistake on their first try can make or break their potential tango relationship... and they may never dance again. All the while, I wondered "does this guy even enjoy dancing?"
After the "fun" chat with the Tan-Ego, he finally took pity on me and asked me to dance. Part of me knew it was a mistake then part of me felt I would be more upset if I left the milonga without dancing at all. I'd just gotten back from dancing in Buenos Aires and felt I was up for the challenge. After dancing milonguero style for a week in BsAs, I naturally took to close embrace. I knew immediately I was in trouble... his embrace felt timid and awkward. We started dancing and our knees started to bump together because I couldn't feel his chest leading me. We danced like this for half of the song, then I finally said to him... 'Maybe we should do open embrace." He didn't answer me right away, then said in a condescending voice, "just finish the song!" When the song ended, he asked me what kind of shoes I was wearing. I told him it was Neotango. He then said, I would recommend buying only Comme Il Faut stilettos because it was obviously not high enough and that's why you were bumping into my knees. When I told him I felt our embrace was the cause, he got really defensive and said, "Not only should you get new shoes, you should also start doing sit ups!!! Because you need better support in your dance!" By that point, I was in total shock that I didn't know what to say, so I started to leave. He was still shouting at me when I walked away, "Don't give up, you'll get it someday!"
My encounter with the Tan-Ego left me crying for a week and made me questioned my involvement with tango. I still, to this day, don't know what possessed this person to want to break my spirit. I see him sometimes at milongas sitting by himself, watching and waiting for the perfect dance. I've thought of walking over to him to give him a kick in the face in my CIF stilletos. But then again, I realized he will never enjoy tango as freely as I do, as he's already condemned himself to eternal tango hell. I've wised up since my dancing has improved, I no longer automatically assume responsibility for a mistake and I will never ever tango with the Tan-Ego again.
besos,
Eva
