Did Tango steal my boyfriend?

I was 4 months into tango when I met Jeff. I knew he didn't dance but that was ok; just as long as he was opened to giving it a try. He was a musician who loved tango music, so that was a good start. Our third date was at a beginners tango workshop, which I'd taken before but didn't mind refreshing what I had already learned. With lots of praise, he marched on, step by more awkward step. He was stiff as a board but I was impressed by his bravery and open mind. I talked him into taking a beginner class with me, telling him it'd be a great way to get to know each other and tango is a great skill to have for a man because women dig it. Till this day, I am still not sure which part was the real motivator. I encouraged Jeff to keep up the good work and he was pleased with his progress. He would grab me to practice with him every chance he had...whether it's at the dance studio, on subway platform or the supermarket. He even rearranged the furniture in my studio appartment to create more space.

It took him a good 8 weeks to finally learn to walk with his chest first, instead of his feet; I'm lucky I still have all my toes. My impatience grew with every misstep. I was starting to feel like he was "using me for my body." I must have done the basic 8 steps a million times. But the more resentful I felt, the more guilty I felt. Why doesn't he understanding this is not enjoyable for me? Look at him... he's so happy to be dancing with me... it was I, after all, who started this whole madness.

With the strong desire to take my dancing to the next level and to start my tango shoes collection, I decided it was time to plan a trip to Buenos Aires. I mentioned it to Jeff, even though I didn't think he'd want to go because we'd only been dating for a short time. To my surprise, he accepted without any hesitation, "Sure, I would love to tango in Buenos Aires!!!" I was happy to have a travel partner, even though I had some concerns. I'd heard that it's difficult for beginner male dancers to get dances there; so I knew I had my work cut out for me.

Our very first milonga in Buenos Aires was a place called X. Our enthusiasm quickly faded as soon as we realized everyone there were advance dancers. Everywhere we looked .... expertly executed boleos, ganchos, colgadas, volcadas and on the last beat of each song, everyone stopped and posed in unison. We sat there watching for a while, before I heard the dreaded 5 words "Do you want to dance?" I knew that Milonga was way out of my league and the thought of dancing with a toe stomping beginner was enough to give me heartburn. So I closed eyes and clicked my ruby red heels three times then waited......hmmm, nothing; I was still far from home. So I swallowed my gum along with my pride, glued on a smile, then walked him to the center of the dance floor and prayed no one would notice us.

We both took on private teachers while we were in town. I noticed he grew especially fond of his.... inviting her to coffee after each lesson; he claimed it was so he could practice his Spanish. It was definitely a more assertive and flirtatious side of Jeff I hadn't seen before. She gave him homework and he practiced religiously everyday, with and without my help. And when he didn't blink twice buying a $300 pair of custom made tango shoes... I knew I had created a monster! My obsession became his.... our entire relationship had been built on tango grounds. Did he agree to go to Buenos Aires with me .... or was it with Tango herself???

When we returned back to New York, I decided to test out my newly acquired skills and signed up for my first Intermediate tango class and a milonga. Jeff showed up unexpectedly toward the end of the class. Before the milonga started, he pulled me aside and asked me to sit down. That's when he broke the news, right between class and milonga...... he said it, "I want to date other people." then thanked me profusely for introducing him to tango. I wished them both luck, cause lord knows he's going to need it. Needless to say, I never made it to the milonga that night. I took my bruised heart and dance shoes home instead for a good cry.
I received an email from Jeff later that week... staking his claim to the Monday night milonga.

Ironic.... but did Tango steal my boyfriend???

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Eva