Love and Tango
Malena's last post "What is love?" got me thinking.
I was in love... it had ended several months ago. It'd been difficult to adjust to the way things were before I fell in love. To have had it and then to wake up without it made my world a little colder. I tried to pick up other hobbies like Pole Dancing. It was definitely a good distraction from the pain I felt inside. I was sore for several days after each class. In some ways it was comforting to feel the pain and feel it dissipate with each passing day. Perhaps I needed the reminder that this pain inside will also eventually lessen with time.
More than I like to admit but I did dance less when I was in love. Words of my maestro ring loud in my head, "Most women dance, then they stop when they find boyfriends... then they come back when the relationship ends." I disgreed at the time... I guess it's because I was so in love with tango that I couldn't see life without it... boyfriend or not. If I had met someone with jealousy issues, I'd probably end it because it would conflict with my tango life.
I hadn't wanted to dance since the Miami Tango Festival. I was disgusted with what I had witnessed there. Quite a few tangueros were standing around like flies hovering around a piece of fruit. Poor Malena had trouble fending them off. Even a famous well respected older teacher, whose name I will not mention, had acted inappropriately. I believe he had a few too many to drink and took the opportunity to "accidentally" fondle her during their dance. Not to mention our mysterious stranger who masked as a "friendly fellow tango dancer" had an agenda up his sleeve. I guess it is human nature, men will always be men. It just upsets me that some of these men use their skills and tango status to prey on unsuspecting women. This left a bad taste in my mouth and I wanted to be far far away from the tango after that milonga.
It's been three months and today is the first day I decided to dance again. So I made an appointment with my maestro. I'm sure he will ask me where I've been and why I haven't been dancing. Perhaps it's this love-hate relationship with tango that keeps me going back. Not long after I had abandoned it, it was calling out to me. I miss and long for that high again. The feeling of being completely lost in the music... that sustained loving hug/embrace with a total stranger... and the ultimate ever changing roller-coaster ride, it just never gets old. Perhpas maestro was right... maybe love and tango is more closely linked then I'd realized. Perhaps all single tangueros and tangueras secretly long to find love on the dance floor. Even when they go home alone... there's still the promise of love in that 3 minute embrace. Is it possible that we sometimes feel more security with our dance partners than we do with our partners in real life?
4 comments:
I think if you take the possibility of finding love on the dance floor out of the equation all you end up with is people twirling round doing something that is 'nice' and 'pretty'.
I know I really dislike it when I see the person who should be acting as host confine himself to dancing with the pretty dancers when there are some astonishingly good beginners who should be introduced to the dance floor. Equally abhorrent is the equating of dancing and sex like the guy who said he was quitting his salsa class after 5 weeks because he hadn't 'scored' yet.
It may be at times disrespectful or inappropriate (and those kind of actions I have no time for) but without the sounds of the chase the forest would be eerily silent.
Hi Eva,
I think that it's only a minority of men that "use their skills and tango status to prey on unsuspecting women". At least it seems to be that way here in the UK. There are also a small minority of Women that do the same to unsuspecting leaders.
I'm sure it's the same in whatever activity you choose to do, but with tango you have the intimacy of the embrace that confuses the senses as to what is happening.
Please be assured that the majority of us men don't have an agenda (at least that is my belief).
David
Dear Limerick,
I totally agree with you "... without the sounds of the chase, the forest would be eerily silent." Love sure makes the world go round. The only problem is when the chase becomes a nuisance. I find this more apparent with men from other cultures, where a polite "No" doesn't always mean no. Somehow they think their persistence will eventually win you over. It is true people dance for all types of reasons... and just because you're part of a smalll community, such as tango, doesn't protect you from these insects. I think we'll bring a fly swatter next time.. just in case.
Dear David,
It is true that this problem exists in all activities and the intimacy of the tango embrace certainly confuses the senses. It makes it very difficult at times to gauge whether someone is crossing the line. This will be a good topic for next post. I do think the majority of tangueros are dancing for the right reasons... but unfortunately, it just takes a few bad apples to spoil an evening. Glad to hear you are one of the good guys. ; )
This is such an interesting topic.
One of the reasons I love tango is that for those few brief moments, I get to completely fall in love with that person. I don't have to think about the quirky things I used to like that have now become annoying, I don't have to feel insecure or jealous, and I don't have to think about what next. It's the perfect relationship.
But, then again, I am not interested in being anything but single, so I don't leave wanting anything more than that embrace...and looking forward to it in the future.
So, at least for me, I know that I am more prepared for those mini-love affairs. I can do all the preparation on my time, and so when I am in the embrace I can be completely there. Rarely do relationships get that kind of attention.
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